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- KurzbeschreibungYou are an idiot.<br />Don't get defensive! It's not your fault. For decades your teachers, authority figures and textbooks have been lying to you. You do not have five senses. Your tongue doesn't have neatly segregated taste-bud zones. You don't know what the pyramids really looked like. You're even pooping wrong - Jesus, you're a wreck!<br />But it's going to be okay. Because we're here to help. Packed with more sexy facts than the Encyclopedia Pornographica, the Cracked De-Textbook will teach you about the true stars of history, why you picture everything from Velociraptors to Ancient Rome incorrectly, and finally, at long last - how to pop a proper squat. This book was built from the ground up to systematically seek out, dismantle and destroy the many untruths that years of misguided education have left festering inside of you, and leave you a smarter person...whether you like it or not. The De-Textbook is a merciless, brutal learning machine. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are informed.
- AutorDaniel O'Brien
- HerausgaberDavid Wong,Jack O'Brien
- VerlagPenguin LCC US
- FormatGebundene Ausgabe
- Seiten224 Seiten
- Gewicht721 g
- LeseprobeEDITOR IN CHIEF<br />Jack O'Brien<br />EXECUTIVE EDITOR<br />David Wong<br />HEAD WRITER<br />Daniel O'Brien<br />SENIOR EDITORS<br />Michael Swaim, Robert Brockway, Soren Bowie, Kristi Harrison, Adam Tod Brown, Cody Johnston<br />CONTRIBUTORS<br />Jacopo della Quercia, Robert Evans, C. Coville, Eddie Rodriguez, Alexander L. Hoffman, Karl Smallwood, Cyriaque Lamar, Tom Reimann, Maxwell Yezpitelok, S. Peter Davis, Christian Ames, R. Jason Benson, Kathy Benjamin, Danny Harkins, Eric Yosomono, Juan Arteaga, David Dietle, Elford Alley, Pauli Poisuo, Christina H., Crystal Beran, Dennis Hong, Rohan Ramakrishnan, Cezary Jan Strusiewicz, Clive Jameson, Evan V. Symon, Jake Klink, Levi Ritchi, Lola C., M. Asher Cantrell, Xavier Jackson, Adam Wears, Brendan McGinley, Christian-Madera, Colin Murdock, Craig Thomas, Dan Seitz, David A. Vindiola, Geoffrey Young, J. F. Sargent, Jack Mendoza, Jake Slocum, Jonathan Wojcik, Justin Crockett, Katherine Smith, Kenny Thompson, Kevin Forde, Mark M., Martin Bear, Michael Voll, Mohammed Shariff, Nathan Birch, Philip Moon, Rob Sylvester, S. Peter Davis, Samuel Bloodthirst, Shayn Nicely, Steve Kolenberg, Tom Lagana, XJ Selman<br />ART DIRECTORS<br />Monique Wolf, Randall Maynard<br />COVER ART<br />Adam Simpson<br />COPY EDITORS<br />Sheila Moody, Erica Ferguson, Andrea Reuter<br />SPECIAL THANKS<br />Becky Cole, Kate Napolitano, Jaya Miceli, Demand Media, Dan Strone at Trident Media Group, John Cheese, Sean Reiley, Chris Bucholz, Wayne Gladstone, Luke McKinney, Ian Fortey, Alex Green, Kristin Plate, spouses, moms, dads<br />For granting us continual existence through its inconceivable power, we dedicate this book to the sun. Thanks for not eating us yet.<br />The Authors<br />Title Page<br />Copyright<br />Dedication<br />Acknowledgments<br />Introduction<br>A Brief Recap of Your Squandered Education<br />CHAPTER 1<br />Health and Anatomy<br>Stuck inside an insane machine with a user's guide made of lies<br />CHAPTER 2<br />Biology<br>The propaganda campaign to make you think all cool animals are dead<br />CHAPTER 3<br />World History<br>If it was written by the winners, they are boring liars<br />CHAPTER 4<br />Sex Education<br>Lies about your junk and how to use it<br />CHAPTER 5<br />Physics<br>The universe is an unpredictable magic show<br />CHAPTER 6<br />U.S. History<br>The (bullshit) superhero movie<br />CHAPTER 7<br />Health and Nutrition<br>Tricked into living fat and dying young<br />CHAPTER 8<br />Practical Psychology<br>How to keep your brain from screwing you<br />Credits<br />Even before our own mothers, the Cracked editors would like to thank the heaps of talented comedy writers who fearlessly throw their ideas to the wolves every day in our Writer's Workshop. Without their tireless hunt for all things fascinating and their long-suffering tolerance of our fickle, occasionally drunken demands, this book would never have been possible.<br />We would also like to thank the wolves, those Workshop and forum moderators who believe in something greater than themselves, and have inexplicably chosen a comedy website as that something. They never kill an idea or a profile without reverence and necessity, and in doing so, maintain the precarious balance between fascist order and lawless swill hole that Cracked could collapse into without their diligence.<br />We owe a huge debt of gratitude to Randall Maynard, Monique Wolf, and the rest of the design team for arranging every inch of this book, as well as Andrea Reuter for her patient and flawless copyediting. The debt of gratitude, we should note, has no monetary value because we already paid them handsomely. If they are shoeless and blackout drunk in a box somewhere today, that's on them.<br />Thanks also to everyone at Demand Media, first and foremost Richard Rosenblatt, Shawn Colo, Stewart Marlborough, o
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